Parenting While in a Pandemic
The pandemic has had its fair share of blessings and curses. As we crept up on and passed the one year “panniversary” I have a lot to consider in how much my life has changed. From a working standpoint, the pandemic allowed me to slow down in ways I hadn’t been able to do previously. Work travel, well, travel period, came to a halt and all of a sudden I didn’t have to run off on a recruiting trip every other weekend. I could actually catch up on the work that was important to me, only to change direction to run a pipeline program via Zoom and Google Classroom. Hard deadlines no longer mattered as we didn’t know when we would be going back into the office and I was okay with that. After ten years of constantly being pressed up against a deadline, it was a privilege to not be worried about one.
As for my home life, I could actually be at home and tackle projects in and around my home. Because I was at home all the time, I really could wonder about paint colors and rearranging furniture. I had both time and literal space to wander around decorating sites and work on my place being the chic, cozy space I’ve wanted it to be. While I’m still looking for the right sectional and paint colors, I’ve stepped up my knick-knack and candle game pretty significantly. I’ve taken it to a whole other level with the HGTV/DIY binging I’ve been doing.
It also became very clear who was really in my friend circle and who would be just fine as an outsider peeking in. My activities and engagement with others slowing down to a mere crawl was the break I didn’t know my ambivert self needed. I could do things I enjoyed without having to be with others because gatherings had been frowned upon for months (why yes, I will watch my Thursday night line up on a Saturday morning by myself! Date? We are in the middle of a pandemic! Oh you wanna hang out …. see, the way the stay at home order is set up …). When I tell that my entire world opened up when the actual world closed down, again it is nothing short of a blessing, even as I realize the privilege.
However, just like the laws of physics, with all the good that was taking place, the person most impacted by the pandemic is my daughter- my precious, precocious, curious, constantly moving, always has a question daughter. You see, this academic year she was to move into kindergarten with her friends and I was excited. When the pandemic hit her school was still open, summer camp outside was still taking place with all of the necessary precautions, and I was feeling good about being able to spend healthy quality time with her as we prepared for kindergarten. Like every other parent, I just knew that we would be going into the classroom come the Fall. So you already know my face when it was made painfully clear that our children would not be going back into the classroom anytime soon. I thought to myself that it would be easy to handle it, after all it is kindergarten. I had to work out a schedule with my care team, aka her grandmother and father, and we got busy making sure that she was well prepared and ready for kindergarten. I started a new position and was allowed the flexibility to work from home as needed. I felt ready to start this new journey with my daughter.
Before the Fall started, the kindergarten moms and I felt like we could handle Zoom school. After all, we had been managing it as best as we could with our own multiple online meetings and such. My daughter and I worked out where we would get our work done at home. I felt pretty good about getting up early, laying out our clothes, scheduling when activities would get done. The school made sure that we had everything we needed to ensure the students would be able to keep up with their work. The school supplies list was manageable and her dad made sure that she was all set with the technology she needed. I made sure that we were connected to all of the apps and online support that would help us get through the academic year. She was excited, I was excited, we both felt good about everything. The first day of class actually went well and then it went downhill from there. While my child has good about the first half hour of being in a Zoom session with her classmates, it all falls down once we get past snack time.
There are few jobs harder than being a parent, the main one being a teacher. My daughter is a handful on a good day, so it is a wonder to me how her teacher manages the other eleven students in her class. Every last student is bright, engaged, distracted and buzzing with an energy that no amount of caffeine could compete with. It didn’t take long for any of us to realize just how much our children’s teacher and school did for us in order to manage our own lives. Her teacher’s able to manage the incessant questions and kid-logic ramblings about everything under the sun; meanwhile, us parents are trying to make sense with working from home, trying to keep our eyes on our children as well as our work. Her teacher has an unshakeable patience with trying to mold five year old and six year old minds; meanwhile, us parents are trying to figure out why there is paint on EVERYTHING. Her teacher bring out the curiosity in the children, they see the world and learn how it works; meanwhile, us parents can’t figure out how a school uniform gets ruined in Zoom school. The more patience she exudes, the louder I ask myself what am I doing wrong, exactly?! And then I realized it after an antagonizing back and forth about her doing her homework … I wanted my child to love school the way I did when I was her age, and as much as my child has my genes, she is not me. I took a full step back and put myself on timeout. It was not a good look for me. I had to figure out how to help her see how kindergarten today will help her in the future. Eventually, we worked out a system that gave her the structure that she needed to stay on task and for me to stay engaged with her. It took us a long time to get there, however the joy that showed up when we arrived has been priceless.
Now that we have come to the end of the school year and we are a week away from her promotion ceremony, I reflect on a number of lessons that my daughter taught me over the course of the past year. She’s been teaching me a lot about myself that I hadn’t considered until now.
- You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do …. unless you can show them the benefit of doing it. And even then, they probably still won’t do it just because you want them to. However, the Jedi mind trick works when you can act like you don’t care if they do it, then they will do it out of spite (mom wins).
- Breaks are necessary, so take them. Go outside and play, read something funny, play a game, do something to help you decompress. We both spent so much time in front of a computer that it was nice to not look at screens all day.
- Sometimes, you’re wrong and that’s okay. Getting the wrong answer helps you to get to the right one. You still have to exhibit the patience needed to get to the right answer though, no one will just give it to you.
- Everyone needs help, so ask for it. So if you can outsource some things that really take up more time that necessary, reclaim your time and get to outsourcing. I’ve never been happier with a grocery delivery service to keep me out of the grocery store and a cleaning service to help keep my home from looking like it has been hit by a strong gust of wind.
- Protect your peace in the way that is best for you, even if it means crying it out first and then drawing boundaries second. There were days when my frustrations were so high that I had no place to put my emotions, so I cried in front of my daughter. After I got it out, we were able to talk about what happened and make a good plan to be more helpful with one another. Involving and listening to her makes her feel valued and I feel good knowing that I gave serious consideration to what she needed. In the end, we balanced each other out.
As we prepare for all things summer-related, I don’t take this year of learning at home for granted. I’ve been able to watch my mini-me grow into her personality, thought process and her clothes, something I wouldn’t really have been able to do had we just been business as usual. I wouldn’t have been able to focus on the things that I love doing that bring me joy. I probably would have allowed myself to run on fumes until my body gave out. Of all the things that the pandemic did give us over the past year, it gave me peace of mind that I might just be killing it as a parent.
